When a new year approaches, a lot of us start thinking about what we’ve accomplished and what we want to do better moving forward. We reflect on the tough moments and set new goals or resolutions. It’s like a chance to hit the reset button. But let’s be real: there’s no magic button. Sometimes, things just don’t change as quickly as we’d like or can’t change at all).

For those living with a spinal cord injury or disability (SCI/D), this can be especially tough. Life with SCI throws unexpected challenges at you – curveballs, detours, and situations you didn’t see coming. It can be hard to watch friends and family achieve their milestones, whether it’s travel, career progress, or growing their families. When your own goals seem out of reach due to health issues, UTIs, pressure sores, bowel problems, low energy, or unreliable caregivers, it can feel like you’re falling behind. And seeing influencers or peers who also use wheelchairs can be a mix of inspiration and frustration, especially if you start comparing yourself to their abilities and accomplishments.

Comparing ourselves to others can be unproductive and even harmful. Constantly measuring our progress to someone else’s, leads to feelings of inadequacy, depression, and low self-esteem. Instead of feeling motivated, we can start to isolate from others and question our own worth.

But here’s the thing: comparing ourselves to others can actually be a good thing sometimes. It can:

• Show you that some things you thought were impossible CAN be possible for you, just because you see someone else doing it.
• Help you see a path to success with a role model who’s a few steps ahead, giving you a blueprint for how to get there.
• Remind you that if they can achieve something, so can you — even if it looks different or takes longer.

To avoid the bad side of comparisons, try these tips:

• Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. Everyone struggles at times and our best can look different from one day to another. Maybe today getting in and out of the shower is a win!
• Set realistic goals: Focus on your own achievements and growth, not on trying to match someone else. Goals can range from learning to drive to learning to feed yourself to practicing gratitude and many more!
• Limit social media exposure: Pay attention to who you follow. If certain accounts make you feel bad, take a break or unfollow them.
• Seek professional help: If constant comparison is affecting your mental health, therapy can help you develop healthy coping strategies.

Remember – it’s okay to just be you. You don’t have to measure your worth by someone else’s standards or accomplishments. The pressure to “keep up” with others can be overwhelming, so, celebrate the small wins, the everyday victories that might not look huge to someone else, but mean everything to you!

Written by Reveca Torres, BACKBONES Founder and Director